2017, a Reflection

I honestly can't believe that 2017 is almost over. It's crazy that yet another year has flown by.A few friends and I were talking, we couldn't believe just how fast time was flying. "Is this what it's like to get older?" We all pondered. We weren't sure, but we did know that we wanted to make the most of the time that we had.Looking back on 2017 I'm filled with so much excitement, love, happiness, sorrow and joy. It was as equally amazing as it was hard.I started the year as a college graduate, something that I never would have thought was possible when I was younger. But I did it! I graduated from an amazing University where I grew more into who I was, I learned to dream, I learned to work through hardships and disappointments and I met some amazing friends.I worked hard towards one major dream that final semester of 2016 and it came true in January of 2017- I got an internship with Thirst Project. An organization working to educate and activate the next generation on the global water crisis. Working together to make it a part of our history rather than our present.Those four months on the road were an incredible dream come true. Even when I take off my graduation goggles, it was still amazing. Sure, it was hard at times, if it wasn't I wouldn't have grown, I would have stayed the same, and where's the fun in that?I got to see parts of the states I have only dreamed about. I got to see the Pacific Northwest, the West Coast, the desert, the South and some beloved parts of the East and Midwest. My teammate and I are forever friends after all that we went through, heck we're more like sisters. I learned to take chances, I learned to speak in front of crowds of 5 to 5,000. I learned that I can be my serious and my goofy self all at once. I learned to be transparent and vulnerable and to allow my story to help others.Coming home was rough. I wanted to stay there, I wanted to continue to be apart of their team but it just didn't fit. I realized that even if I'm not on their payroll, I still want to help END the global water crisis. It is something that is near and dear to my heart, something that I will always be working towards.

Home was different this time around, I didn't want to stay long-term but it seemed like I was going to. I had no major idea of what was next for me. So I started writing. I wrote more this past summer than I think I ever have. I wrote about these past years adventures and things that I have learned. I blogged some, and I had the opportunity to start writing for an amazing online magazine, Evade.While I started to get the feel of being home, I lost my Grandpa. Just a month or so after I had talked to him on the phone, it felt like a knife was slicing into my heart. I didn't know this kind of grief, it was deep and strong and painful. A few months later my Granny joined him in Heaven. That opened a whole new round of pain that I hadn't experienced. One that brought questions and uncertainty but was masked by the thought that they are no longer in pain nor suffering.

But as the circle of life works, that summer we also welcomed my third niece into this world and my best friend got engaged. I couldn't be happier for her and her fiancé. I realized that while my heart and feet were longing to go elsewhere, my soul needed to be home. I needed to renew friendships, make time for my family and friends, and make time for myself. Relearn what it was that I wanted my next steps to be. Relearn how to start my days in the Word, pull out the weeds that had grow in my foundation, restore what was there and refresh myself for what I wanted my years to look like down the road.

As summer turned into fall, I realized that home was just where I was needed. I made time for friends that I hadn't seen in years. I went to Ohio to visit some and Washington to see others. I drove a few hours and a few minutes to see even more. I made my friends a priority. I set to work, working on myself too. Something that I hadn't done much of in the most recent months. It was painful, messy, but the end result was so worth it. I learned to truly rest once more. I learned to enjoy the little things again. I learned that Now is all that we truly need to worry about. The future and all the uncertainties that it holds is important but not one to dwell on.As 2017 has come to a close, I am reminded of just how many ups and downs a year can hold. It is so easy to look back and only see the the big events that happened. While some were bad, and hardships were endured, there were still bright moments of love, laugher and joy. I am reminded that while some parts were painful and jagged it's good to remember the good; the love, the times of faith, the times of friendships that grew stronger, the moments of laugher, surprise and fun.2018 for me will be a year of renewal, of hope, of joy, of working hard towards some larger dreams.We must allow our pasts to help us refine our future, not define it. We have the power to change what our futures look like. We can choose to stay in our mentality of 2017, one that for me was quite rough, full of times where I was hit down and stayed down, only to get up on my knees and fall once more. Now, I'm working on standing, I want to stand tall in 2018; sure, I will stumble, it's part of life. But as I fell each time in 2017, I got back up and I will continue to get back up each time. I will remember what I learned through the pain and hardships as well as all the good that happened. 2018, let's do this.

Let's Change the Conversation

A week ago my best friend and I spent an afternoon at the pool. It was glorious. The sun was shining, it wasn't too hot or humid.

We met at her house and walked to her neighborhood pool. We had a lot to catch up on.

When we got to the pool and took our swim covers, I noticed how in shape she was. Working out is something that we both struggle with keeping up. In the middle of our conversation, I off handedly mentioned how in shape she was.

She paused and laughed and said how she was just thinking about how fat she was.

It shocked me.

My friend is seriously one of the most beautiful people I know. She takes care of her body and her all around health.

I've realized recently just how much negativity there is that surrounds how we all look at ourselves. We are truly our own worst critics. What if my friend saw herself through my eyes, an admiring friend? What if she saw herself through her husband's, a man that adores her? What if she saw herself through her future children's eyes, the woman who carried them and gave them life?

What would change then?

I have three young nieces who love to dress up in their ball gown costumes and pretend to be princesses. I don't want my nieces growing up and thinking there is anything wrong with them. They are perfect just the way that they are. Just like my friend is. Just like you are.

We need to start to change the conversation away from the negative thoughts of what we wish our bodies would look like. We need to start to think of ourselves as beautiful, smart, sexy, pretty, intelligent, kind, loving, hopeful, joyous, helpful, insert an adjective here, kind of women.

Can we please start to do that? Can we please change the conversation?