Unexpected Answers

Do you ever look back at your life and see how God answered your prayers but maybe not in the way you were thinking of?I remember for a solid year I was praying for adventure. The kind of adventure that I was thinking of consisted of travel, staying in hostels, meeting and becoming friends with locals, surfing galore, epic road trips. You know, basically anything that you can find under the hashtag #adventure on Instagram.Little did I know, the answer to my adventure prayer was going to be the World Race. Sure, it was a crazy amazing adventure that consisted of a lot of travel, some staying in hostels, lots of meet and greets with locals and lasting friendships, a bit of surfing (thank you South Africa!) and a ton of road trips but not the glamorous kind.

It was an adventure but not at all like what I had dreamt it to be.

A few months ago I started praying to be uncomfortable again. The words sort of stumbled out of my mouth before I could catch them. I was missing the way I felt on my adventures, out of my element and forced to grow. Out of my comfort level and forced to rely on God more. I was missing it and I wanted to get out of the comfort that I have. I didn't really want to give up my bed, or living comfortably, or being in close proximity to so many of my friends, but I was looking for something else; something that would allow me to grow once more and most importantly, step out of my comfort zone.

I didn't realize until today that this prayer was being answered.

Right after the New Year I saw a video of a WR Alumni who was offering a free call to help with casting vision for the new year. I wasn't really sure what it was all about but it did sound cool. I didn't message her or anything (at first), but I just thought it sounded interesting, and how sweet it was of her to share her gift with all of us. A little while later I heard God say, "Message her." So I did. What harm could come from it? Was all that I thought.We ended up talking for over an hour. She made me laugh, made me cry. I reminded her much of herself at my age. I spoke dreams that I had forgotten about, dreams that had become hidden in my day-to-day life. I told her my fears, those on the surface and of the world and those that haunt my soul.

By the end of the conversation, I wanted to work with her so badly. I wanted to start this journey and start it well, but I was terrified. The kind of petrifying fear that comes at the beginning of an amazing adventure. The kind of fear that paralyzes you because you can't see what is to come.

I remember talking with her a week later, laying on my bed staring up at my ceiling wondering is now really the time to do this, or should I wait? What truly has me so scared to jump into this?I said yes and after we hung up, I was full regret. Sick to my stomach, in a bad mood, regret all around. I didn't know what I was doing, but I knew I was scared. All I wanted to do was cry. The amount of money that was going to be invested in this was hardly anything compared to other adventures, and I had seen God provide so much in the past, so why was I scared He wouldn't provide for this? The amount of time invested in this was hardly anything, it would work with my schedule, so why was I so nervous?

The next day, I spent some time in prayer, sitting in my room with the spring breeze coming in through my window, candles lit, trying to relax my mind when I saw it.

I was standing at a doorway, my hands perched on the door frame. The door was wide open, welcoming, I could walk through at any time. But I was stuck in fear. Behind me was a hallway full of doors, some cracked open, some shut, some locked. I could certainly turn around and try one if I wanted, but I wasn't guaranteed an easier path down that way. I knew I needed to walk through this door. It's my future, it's what's next. But that doesn't make it easy.I don't know what is to come of this "life coach" journey. I have absolutely no idea. I do know, that I'm terrified, the kind that makes my heart squeeze both at the thought of doing so and the thought of letting it pass me.I'm scared to walk into this future, not really knowing what is next.

But I prayed for this, I prayed to be uncomfortable once more. I prayed for another opportunity to come where I could grow and learn more about myself. I prayed for this months ago and here we are.

It's not at all like what I dreamt it would be, but nonetheless, God provides.