My Heart is So Heavy
My heart has been so heavy this week. I recognize that I haven’t been as vocal about these recent protests as I have before. And truthfully, it’s because my heart can’t take it.
On Thursday morning, I sat at my desk with tears of anger, hurt, and frustration falling down my face because of what is happening in Kenosha. I had heard about Jacob Blake’s senseless killing but I had not heard what had happened afterwards. Here I was, taking a slight break from work, catching up on a few news stories.
A young WHITE man got his hands on an assault rifle and killed protesters because he wants to be a cop. And that same young WHITE man was treated with respect as the officers on duty took him into custody and transported him back to his home state to await trial. And don’t even get me started on the news releases that have been coming out since all of this happened.
What.the.actual.f*ck.
I do not understand.
It’s just like back in 2015 when Dylan Roof walked into a church in Charleston, South Carolina. He senselessly killed 9 black Americans and the officers who arrived at the scene, treated this terrorist with kindness.
I just cannot. This cannot continue to happen. And to all of my BIPOC brothers and sisters, I am so sorry you have to go through this once again.
It feels as though there are tiny glimmers of hope. At least 13 cities, a handful of them being major cities, are cutting police funding and putting it into communities. Cities passing new laws, like bans on No-Knock warrants, adopting and reviewing themes from #8cantwait, revising budgets to allow for body cams to be bought. Cities are making it seem like they are listening and then...
Another name is added to the list of senseless deaths simply because of their skin color.
My heart is breaking.
When will there be enough names on that list that changes will happen and we won’t be slung back? When will there be people who step in and realize they can diffuse a situation with BIPOC humans just as well as they can with someone who is white? When will the rhetoric from the most pristine office in our nation stop spewing hate filled messages that only fuel this kind of madness?
Friends, I am begging you, please open your eyes. Truly hear what is happening in our world, in our nation, in our states. Don’t turn a blind eye, maybe close them for a few days when it gets to be too much, but come back to the fight. We are all needed. We all must join this chorus, we must get louder so they will actually listen.
Friends, I beg you, if you plan on voting Red this November, please, please really look at what has happened these past four years. Think about your friends, think about your families. Think about your kids. Is this the kind of nation you want to raise them into? One that full of hate, misogyny, men gloating of their conquests? It can’t just be your little bubble that you raise them in, it will be the environment around you.
Think about your coworker, friend, neighbor or family member who has a different skin tone. Do you think they feel safe? Do you think they feel welcome? Will your vote truly help them?
Think about your coworker, friend, neighbor or family member who is LGTBQ+. Do you think they feel safe? Do you think they feel like the government has been taking care of them? Will your vote help them?
And please, before you start your rebuttal with claims of how great the economy is or how employment numbers are on the rise. Please, look at the data. We are in a recession. We have some of the highest unemployment rates we’ve had in years. Sure, jobs are starting back up again, but it is nothing compared to the amount of people who are currently trying to access unemployment because they have lost their jobs due to COVID, due to the lack of leadership and prevention we have seen in our nation.
Think about more than just yourself during this next election. Think about your legacy, your history. When you grow old and are sitting in a rocking chair looking back at one of the craziest years your life has ever seen, what side of history do you want to be on? The one that sat silently and let it play out. The one that voted someone in simply because of their party and allowed for four more years of cruel, misogynistic, hate-filled, prejudice and racially profiled messages. The one that was loud marching in the streets, demanding change. The one that turned a blind eye to their brothers and sisters and let the system destroy them. The one that called endlessly trying to encourage leaders to change. The one that signed petitions, posted, called about getting those that racially profiled and arrested or harmed BIPOC. The one that tried.
The choice is yours, and I urge you to choose wisely.
This is not a fight we will win over night. This is a fight that takes long hours, tears, and sweat.
I am so scared, so angry, so upset. But I will keep calling, I will keep posting, I will keep donating, I will keep educating. I will continue to fight this great injustice and I pray that you, friend, will open your eyes too.
Remember, you can always find something to valid a preconceived notion you already have. It takes true humility to look for the other side and to recognize that you may be wrong.